Late Night Musings: Why College Doesn’t’ Define My Worth

I want to start this blog post with the words, “No, Harvard, I Think You’re a Loser.”

Joe Pesci said those words to a young Brendan Fraser in the movie With Honors. I have written about this movie before, and yet here I am writing about it once more. (I’ll attach the other post down below; it includes the trailer.)

As I start my second quarter of classes for 2024, cooped up in my small apartment, looking over the 11 major organ systems that I can now rattle off from memory, I find myself nostalgic.

A couple of years ago, I was studying subjects revolving around biology, algebra, and chemistry, thinking about what it would be like to be back in college as the person I am today. It took a lot for me to get here.

These words come to mind in no particular order: heartbreak, unlearning, relearning, learning, growing, introspection, new chapter, grieving.

All that good stuff that can either make you an entirely different person for the better or not make a single dent if you shut yourself off from it – for me all of these grew me into the person I am now.

As I stare at my whiteboard, I can’t help but think back to one of my all-time favorite movies and the scene where the main character, Monty, is working on his thesis with the ultimate goal of graduating with honors from Harvard University in government. Here I am now, trying to graduate with a decent GPA while starting my investment fund, with a hopeful and bright future ahead of me.

With Honors: The Movie That Reflects This Chapter of My Life

Going back to those seven words, it’s a reminder not to get caught up in the small things that don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things, like straight A’s, external validation, or a high grade point average. All that stuff will come as a byproduct of my actions or close to it.

The real focus is on growth.

The process.

With Honors is about a young college student who thinks external validation and life’s external achievements are his entire life until he meets a homeless man, Joe Pesci, who, as you guessed, turns his life upside down by showing him there is more to life than graduating college with honors.

College and what we do as our life’s work don’t define who and what we are to ourselves—or at least they shouldn’t. We shouldn’t let them.

I had to remind myself of that today after taking my first human biology lab on anatomical terms. I got 14/15 because two of the questions had two possible correct answers. I got one right for each but missed the second possible correct answer for both.

This dropped my grade from 100% to 97%, and I freaked. It hit the button inside me that wants to know I can walk away doing hard things and remain on top.

However, after running through various calculations about maintaining an A in this class, I have come to the conclusion that this is going to be a B+ class for me. I am good now.

I have no desire to achieve perfection to attain an A. It just isn’t possible without putting tremendous pressure on myself and taking away all the fun.

Either the A will be a byproduct of my consistent efforts, or a B+ will be the natural outcome. Either way, knowing that the grading for this class is a bit stricter, I am at peace with either outcome.

Of course, this is easier said than done, as every fiber in my being wants to walk away with an A. But going back to my favorite movie and how internal validation/intrinsic motivation is where I really strive and am at optimal performance on all cylinders, it’s best I allow myself leeway and grace during this class and not fall trap once again to external factors in this context.

Understanding the Difference Between Extrinsic and Intrinsic Motivations as a College Student Investor

Otherwise, I’ll end up burned out and a nervous mess just like I did towards the end of last semester.

Don’t get me wrong—GPA does matter to a certain extent. But striving for all A’s in every single class? That is where I am learning to take it a bit easier. Grades do not define my intelligence or ability to do hard things.

I have written about this before and will continue to write about it as it seeps into my brain and plants a firm understanding that who we are and what we are capable of is not defined by grades or a piece of paper stamped to let the world know we graduated with honors.

Otherwise, Joe Pesci might pop out from somewhere, like my campus library, and say, “You know what, community college, I think you’re a loser too.”

Ha, that would be golden!

P.S. For anyone who does strive towards these things, I am not knocking it. I just know personally for me, I am learning that it’s okay to be a non-traditional student in every sense of the word.