It’s 2:24 am. I am watching Suits on Netflix. I am on season 1, episode 3. While watching, I found myself thinking about balancing school and blogging, as I have been for the past couple of weeks, wondering if this blog will ever gain readership or if I will find a career once I graduate.
It has been 4 months and 2 weeks since March 6th, 2024, when I posted the first-ever blog post here. This means it is too early to even think about the success of this site and only four months since I returned to school. I realized something tonight: this is where my patience and mental endurance are being tested.
I’m experiencing mental fatigue and burnout. Even though four months is not much in the grand scheme of things, I realize this is where some people, especially me, start to struggle with mental endurance especially without taking breaks which I have to get better at.
When I start something new and have been at it for a while, and don’t take breaks my anxiety gets the best of me. I realize this is when I start having anxiety about whether things will work out,—if I’m making the right choices, and this often happens when I don’t give myself time to process and appreciate the progress and process itself.
I also have come to realize this is the moment when self-awareness is crucial because suddenly the thoughts of whether I should quit college, or maybe give up on this website start to come up.
Not that I would give up, nor quit college, but it’s those thoughts like, “Am I wasting my time?” or “Will I be able to have success with this?” that start to crowd out the reasoning because the fear of failure thanks to anxious thoughts is now full force.
This is where the fear and trap of anxiety catches people more times than not and I have come realize this is where I’m going to have to push past my mental endurance barometer and build it.
Managing Anxiety and Mental Health
I need to focus on not just my physical health but my mental health as well. Balancing school, writing content on here and building out the investment fund is going to require both mental health in college and careful anxiety management.
A bit of back story I was diagnosed with severe anxiety when I was 19. There are times when it’s good, and I don’t really deal with it as much, and there are times when it’s more severe on the frontline.
Often, when I’m starting something new or on a path to the unknown, it becomes a lot more loud and front and center. The goal here is to make sure anxiety doesn’t overconsume what is actually happening.
For example, I know school is good for me. I know it’s too early to judge this blog, so it’s really about being able to separate anxiety thoughts from actual thoughts. This separation is crucial because if you don’t keep your anxiety in check, it can take a toll on your mental health and drain it.
Another thing is to keep in mind that mental endurance will come with mental fitness. For me, that looks like eating right to reduce brain fog, resting more through breaks, and connecting mind, body, and soul, making sure everything is firing on all cylinders.
There are times when I can pull back and I’m doing okay, and don’ have to suit up for battle, like I’m still eating right, working out, and managing fine, maintaining. But then there are times when I need to start doing more, suit up, prepare for war because my anxiety is trying to do a hostile take over causing my head to feel clouded.
Finding Inspiration and Staying Grounded
Even though right now my thoughts are thoughts like maybe school isn’t right for me, what if I don’t find the right career, this blog isn’t going to work out, and I’m wasting my time, going to war means taking back my thoughts, reframing and bringing them back to present to reflect actual reality.
Knowing that I am where I want to be with both things. I’m in school because I want to be in school. Yes, I’m tired because I haven’t taken a break, but I do have a break coming up soon for a month where taking advantage of some free time will allow me to process and remind myself to not get ahead of myself, which is something I’ve always struggled with—being in my own head worried about the future.
My Current Obsession with Suits and the Character Mike Ross
Going back to the show, I’m actually really enjoying it. There’s a character Mike Ross, who never went to law school but got hired by another character, Harvey Specter, at a prestige law firm known for their number one rule, hiring Harvard graduate students. Mike now has to prove to Harvey that he has what it takes and hide the fact he is commiting fraud.
He’s in that grind right now—he’s not sleeping well, he’s tired, and he’s having to put in the legwork. I feel like that’s where I’m at right now. I like that I’m watching the show and I’m right alongside a character who is also putting in the time and effort – figuring things out along the way while not always sure of things but knows that moving forward towards something is better than the alternative which is remaining stuck in a life that you don’t wish for yourself because you’re too scared of failure.
I started watching an episode before bed or when I can’t sleep. I’m going to turn it off soon because I need to get up at 10:00 in the morning to focus on a blood lab due tomorrow for my Human Biology class (BIO 175). I want to make sure I get up and get an early head start on it in case I find it confusing.
Getting up earlier than I have been these past couple weeks (due to trouble sleeping when anxiety is high) will also give me time to work on my nutrition homework later in the evening. If I can finish all coursework for the day by a certain time, I’ll be able to spend some time watching financial lectures on YouTube. I want to learn more about financial philosophy, understanding markets, corporate finance, among other things.
Anyways, this post wasn’t meant to be long. I just wanted to document that maintaining mental endurance and making sure I don’t confuse fear-based or anxious thoughts with the long-term reality of what actually is, is always worth the war.
The Broke College Student 
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