Every so often I go through this revamp. I am not sure what to call it, but it starts things over. It’s nice. Oftentimes, it happens after a birthday. I find myself starting from scratch. Fresh everything. A tabula rasa, if you will, otherwise known as a clean slate. I purge things that aren’t needed, that collect unwanted dust and energy from the past.
I am not sure if this is because I grew up in a home where clutter was normal, and it became an unwanted habit of my own until I was able to break free in my twenties. Or if it’s also because I am constantly evolving and growing into the person I want to be. This often comes with changes and different wants and needs.
Breaking the Habit: Overcoming Clutter and Letting Go
Either way, I found myself tonight going through the spice cabinet, something I’ve been dreading in the back of my mind, knowing there were going to be spices soon to be expired or already were and weren’t going to be used anytime soon. I also went through the cupboard, fridge, and freezer and pulled myself out of the sunk cost fallacy and threw away either things that were past the expiration date, freezer-burned, or miscellaneous items that weren’t enough to be used as a meal for two people.
There is a ledge in the laundry room of my apartment building where neighbors often put food items. Most of the time, I put things there that I know are still within date, unopened, and would be used by someone else. Tonight, however, I found myself getting rid of things that were opened and not yet expired but weren’t going to be used within the next several months. Most of these were condiments.
A Clear Space Equals a Clear Mind
By night’s end, I felt good and my mind clearer as the cupboard is now pretty much basic staples that I can see without having to search through. Growing up, I was used to a pantry that had food dated from when I was a baby, jarred cans of who knows what that had turned to slush, canned goods that my mom thought were okay to give to food banks or school donations even though they were past expiration.
I shake my head now that I look back at how there was once a classroom contest for food donations, and the winning class would receive a pizza party. Young me thought I had an advantage and went through the pantry daily, bringing expired goods. I remember the teachers whispering about me. Whispers that didn’t feel right, yet I brushed them off.
Understanding the Fear of Scarcity
My parents were from the Silent Generation. Nothing was ever thrown away, so it took me a long time to break the habit. Even though I am now a minimalist myself in what I own, I still find old habits creeping back in, the pantry suddenly becoming full where you can’t see the back of it, the fridge and freezer full of items. Enough so that food becomes wasted after a while, and then I see it. I check in with myself and once again strip back down to the basics where things feel naturally aligned with where I am now in life.
But it’s hard sometimes. There was a time when things got hard, and food was hard to come by during adolescence. Then there were times during my years as a young parent. So naturally, you want the pantry full. The cupboard full. Everything stocked to the brim in case the thing you are scared of happening happens preventing you from accessing food once again.
The Psychological Impact of Scarcity on Financial Growth
This is a common phenomenon for those who have struggled with basic needs. These fears often hinder financial growth for those who are now able to secure a financial future because they are too busy trying to prevent the past from happening. In severe cases, these people become known as hoarders of things other than basic needs. It takes a great deal of introspection and awareness to understand just how our childhood affects the way we approach adulthood. Then it takes a great deal of healing and self-grace while learning another approach that is more effective in how we interact with our needs.
Finding Balance: The Path to Financial and Psychological Stability
For me, I thrive best when I have enough, not more, not less. It’s the balance I am constantly aiming to achieve, and it takes work because I have been alive long enough where the struggle has been a better part of my life, but not long enough where financial security and healing have overtaken those years. Understand that life is always about adjustments and bringing yourself back to the middle, whether it’s financially or psychologically. Understand that what is enough for you might be more or less for someone else—none of that matters. It’s about what is enough for you, where you find that middle, away from the extremes of either too little or too much.
The Broke College Student 
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