Pushing Through Grief While in College

There’s no room for grief while in college, I’ve come to find. Assignments are still due, group projects seem endless, and life outside school continues to tick away with its demands. This morning, I woke up to find my over-the-door mirror shattered on the floor. Thankfully, it was still intact enough to be safely disposed of. That meant trudging down the apartment stairs with it, walking around the back of the building, and tossing it into the dumpster.

Then, I had to gather my teen and head to Target to buy a new one. Thankfully, this one came with installed hooks and brackets, making it easy to hang on the back of the door. The previous one had been hung on the wall because it didn’t come with tools or hooks. The difference, I suppose, between Walmart and Target, even though I paid the same price.

When Everything Feels Broken

Later, when I got back from Target, I found out the washing machine on our floor was broken. That meant climbing up and down flights of stairs twice, only to discover that no other machines were available. Adding to my frustration, I learned that we have another group project due tomorrow, on top of the one that’s due today. My teammate is still putting the finishing touches on it.

I wrote about the group project yesterday and how sometimes working with others can bring up unexpected conflicts within yourself. Update: I ended up going old school and washing my clothes in the bathtub with laundry detergent. After wringing them out extra well, I tossed them in the dryer. There was a time in my life when I was so broke I couldn’t afford both laundry and bus money, so I got really good at making sacrifices and doing laundry in the bathtub. At least this time, I had good-quality soap instead of the Dollar Tree detergent which never did much for my clothes.

The Weight of Stress and Loss

I’m exhausted. I’ve been on the go non-stop, trying to ensure I get everything in for university now that I’ve found out I was accepted. I’ve gained some stress weight this last month, which shouldn’t come as a shock considering everything that’s been happening—especially worrying about my friend who recently passed away. As a result, I can no longer comfortably fit into my favorite red Nike shirt, which was a gift from another friend.

However, yesterday I bought some meals to help me get back on track. My goal is to lose weight before transferring to the university.

Pushing Through to the Finish Line

This is all to say that even if I ask for extensions on assignments, they still need to be done eventually. Other deadlines will come up, and delaying them would only pile up the work and make things harder. So, I’d rather push through to the finish line.

I’m looking forward to taking the summer off, where I’m sure everything—from excitement to sadness—will finally hit me all at once. Until then, here’s to graduating college and finally being able to say that I am a college graduate.