The Invisible Dog Tag: A Personal Reflection on My Dead Friend Zoe

Today, the kid and I decided to go see a movie we’d been wanting to see: My Dead Friend Zoe. I was excited about it, and it ended up being a great movie, but it also made me look back on my own past.

It reminded me of how characters, and people, can shape the way we move through life.

The Character Who Defined Me

Like the main character, Merit, I’ve had someone who changed me. I was never in the military, but I did join ROTC in high school because of a character that meant a lot to me.

Similar to Merit, who had that one friend she couldn’t shake, I had that one character I couldn’t shake, not because of something tragic, but because they defined me in ways nothing and no one else ever had.

She was an NYPD sergeant, and just like Merit touches Zoe’s dog tags every time she leaves her home, I touch or look up at the picture frame of that character on my wall every time I walk out the door.

PTSD Beyond the Battlefield

One thing Merit and I have in common is PTSD. For me, that character I grew up with helped me get through mine, helped me survive. PTSD isn’t just about one singular incident; it can be a bunch of incidents stacked together.

I was never in the military, but I survived childhood abuse and neglect, things I don’t really talk about. And like anyone who’s been through a war in their life, whether overseas or at home, it shaped me. It made me a more serious person.

A Wake-Up Call and a Reminder of Strength

Watching My Dead Friend Zoe was both a reminder and a tough wake-up call. A reminder of where I’ve been, but also a reminder that if I’ve already been through all of that, I can damn sure get through more if I have to. I want to. Every day, I know I’m tough.

But PTSD, especially complex PTSD, isn’t talked about enough outside of the military and veterans. There’s a quote from Merit that really stuck with me:

“The military doesn’t own PTSD, but we’re better at it.”

And that’s true. But at the end of the day, I feel my own invisible dog tag hanging around my neck.

The Invisible Dog Tag I Carry

That invisible dog tag is the weight of everything I’ve been through. It’s the scars, the memories, the survival instincts that never fully fade. It’s the reminder that I’ve already survived things that should have broken me, and yet here I am.

And if I can carry that weight, then whatever comes next? I can handle it.

Full Circle: The Character Who Got Me Into University

Spoiler Alert – don’t read if you haven’t seen the movie.

And here’s a fun fact: when I wrote my personal statement to get into university, I wrote it about this very character. That’s how much she means to me. If you notice a pattern by now it’s that my life has been shaped by some movies over time especially characters that are similar to my own life experiences.

I try to stay as private as I can be on here but this character has gotten me through some of the roughest times in my life and the only difference between me and Zoe in the movie who represents the many soldiers who have taken their own lives is that I survived.