Have you ever found yourself in a heated discussion with someone who, despite being intelligent and well-spoken, refuses to accept facts that challenge their deeply held beliefs? It’s frustrating, right? You know they have the cognitive capacity to understand logic, yet they continue to cling to their perspectives, often blaming other groups, politics, or society for their struggles instead of looking at the bigger picture.
I recently had such a conversation with a man who was experiencing homelessness. What struck me most was not just his plight but his perspective on the world, shaped by a series of beliefs that weren’t based on facts. He blamed DEI (Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion) policies, the LGBTQ+ community, and various other factors for his current situation, refusing to take any responsibility for the choices that led him there.
The Conversation That Sparked This Reflection
I first met this man last summer, and I even wrote about my first encounter with him in [Why I Became an Investor and Started the Broke College Student Blog]. Since then, every single conversation with him has been filled with anger about how no one is helping him, even financially. But the reality is, he has received help. A lot of it.
- A stranger once gave him $600 in cash.
- I have personally given him cash, bought him a sandwich, and even offered to buy groceries for his daughter.
- He was given a truck from someone trying to help.
- His daughter’s doctor has repeatedly helped, providing things she needs, even securing hotel rooms for them during cold winter fronts.
- He has received food and some cash assistance and now gets SSI for his daughter.
- Some days, he makes $60 panhandling. Other days, he makes $6 for two hours, the latter pisses him off.
Yet despite all this, his focus remains on what he isn’t getting rather than what he has received. His perception is that he is constantly being overlooked, mistreated, and deprived of resources, even though his circumstances prove otherwise.
The point that finally pushed me to challenge his beliefs began when he once more claimed that he didn’t get help because, as a straight white man, society overlooked him. He argued that if he were gay, black, or a woman, he would be receiving more help and resources.
When I asked him, “Well, how’s your daughter doing? She’s about four now, right? Why not put her in school? It could help you get a job and maybe even get out of your situation.” His response, filled with frustration, was, “No way. I don’t trust the school system. They’re run by Democrats, and I don’t want my daughter being taught by left-wing nuts. That’s what’s wrong with this country. It’s all about promoting agendas, not real education.”
This was just another red flag. It wasn’t just about the school system or wanting to do everything to help himself get out of his situation, this was about his identity being tied to political and social beliefs that he couldn’t let go of. Instead of focusing on solutions that could improve his life, he was blaming external factors, like the past abusive domestic situation he was in with his ex-girlfriend, the LGBTQ+ community, and political figures, for his struggles.
But what stood out to me even more was his age. This man was in his late 40s, yet his daughter was only four years old. He once told me that his ex-girlfriend has a kid of her own that she doesn’t take care of, the kid stays with his father, yet he still chose to procreate with her and be in a relationship. Still, this means for most of his adult life, he had no one to support but himself, no child to take care of, no major obligations outside of his own personal growth.
Blaming Others: The Easy Way Out
When you step back and look at the situation logically:
- He is in his late 40s.
- His daughter is four.
- He had DECADES to build a stable life before she was even born.
- Yet he blames DEI, social programs, and marginalized groups for his current state.
The timeline doesn’t support his argument.
The Role of Personal Accountability
At some point, we all must take responsibility for our own choices and circumstances. This is especially hard when we feel the world is working against us. But pointing fingers at others, the government, certain social groups, or past relationships, only delays personal growth.
His refusal to put his daughter in school, despite the fact that it could help him get a job and improve his situation, was a clear sign that his personal accountability was overshadowed by his ideological beliefs.
So how did he end up in this position? Was DEI to blame for what happened in his 20s and 30s? Were marginalized groups preventing him from building stability long before his daughter was born? The math didn’t add up. The reality was that the sum of his own choices over decades had put him where he was, not any recent social policies.
The Psychological Blocks to Critical Thinking
At the core of this behavior lies what psychologists refer to as cognitive dissonance. This term describes the discomfort we feel when we encounter information that contradicts our deeply held beliefs. Instead of adjusting our views, we often reject the new information to avoid the uncomfortable feeling of being wrong.
1. What Is Cognitive Dissonance?
Cognitive dissonance happens when we are confronted with information that conflicts with our worldview. It’s a psychological defense mechanism that makes it easier to reject the new data rather than change our beliefs.
In my conversation with the man, his belief that DEI policies were causing him to be overlooked by society was rooted in his identity. He was emotionally invested in this belief, so when I pointed out that DEI policies aimed to promote fairness, not favor any one group, ( not to say that there haven’t been instances where it has been wrongly used such as the case with any policy that is put into place to overcorrect a wrong, in this case, I argue against it under this context) he rejected it. It wasn’t about DEI anymore, it was about defending his emotional stance, even though it wasn’t grounded in fact.
2. Brain Exercises to Challenge Cognitive Biases
If you find yourself, or someone you know, struggling with ideological rigidity, here are two brain exercises that can help:
✅ The “Opposite Perspective” Challenge – Pick a news article or topic you feel strongly about. Now, intentionally seek out the opposing viewpoint from a reputable source. Write down at least three valid points from that perspective, even if you don’t agree with them. This forces your brain to break out of its confirmation bias, the tendency to only seek information that supports what we already believe.
✅ The “What If I’m Wrong?” Test – Ask yourself, “What would I need to see or experience to change my mind?” If your answer is “nothing,” that means your belief isn’t based on logic, it’s based on identity. True critical thinking means always leaving room for new evidence to change our views.
3. Identity and the Need to Defend Beliefs
The more we tie a belief to our identity, the harder it becomes to change it. For instance, his response to my suggestion of moving to a red state was, “It’s not any better there either.” He wasn’t even willing to consider that a change of environment might improve his situation because doing so would challenge his beliefs about red states and their values.
He also said something that stood out to me: “If everyone leaves, then no one will hold Democrats accountable.” That right there was the cognitive dissonance at play. He was unhappy where he was but also unwilling to leave because he felt some responsibility to “stand up” against the very system he was complaining about.
The Politics of Bias: How People Choose Their Sources
One of the most telling moments during our conversation was when I asked him where he got his information. His response? “Just look at the sources and the facts.” But when I pressed him to name his sources, he couldn’t. His beliefs were shaped by media narratives and unverified claims, reinforced by outlets that echo his viewpoint.
The Dangers of Echo Chambers
This is a classic example of an echo chamber, a situation where people surround themselves with like-minded individuals or sources, reinforcing their own beliefs without ever challenging them.
Echo chambers are dangerous because they create a distorted view of reality. When someone only consumes media that aligns with their beliefs, they become isolated from the broader, more nuanced world.
This was evident when he continued to claim the election was rigged, despite the lack of any credible evidence. But when Trump won, he accepted the results without question, an inconsistency that highlights the danger of cognitive biases and echo chambers.
He talked about how the government was sending billions overseas for transgender surgeries, but when I asked him to provide a source for this, he couldn’t. Like many who find themselves in echo chambers, he was repeating misinformation without ever questioning its accuracy.
How to Break Free from Ideological Blocks
If you’ve ever found yourself locked in a conversation like this, here are three strategies to encourage open thinking:
1️⃣ Ask Open-Ended Questions Instead of Arguing – Instead of saying, “That’s not true,” try asking, “Where did you hear that? What makes you trust that source?” This forces them to critically evaluate their own information.
2️⃣ Encourage the “Steelman” Argument – Ask them to explain the opposing view as accurately and fairly as possible. If they can’t do it, they likely haven’t considered the full picture.
3️⃣ Introduce Facts Gradually – People rarely change their minds in the middle of an argument. Instead of overwhelming them, try planting small pieces of curiosity over time, making them question things on their own.
Conclusion: Breaking Free from Mental Traps
For anyone who has found themselves in a similar conversation, one where emotions and ideologies dominate the facts, remember that it’s not just about logic. It’s about understanding the emotional investment people have in their beliefs.
So, the next time you’re in a conversation like this, ask yourself: Is it really about the facts, or is it about defending a belief that has become part of someone’s identity? True growth happens when we can acknowledge our biases, even when it’s uncomfortable, and embrace new perspectives that challenge our existing views.
The Broke College Student 
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