Breaking the Cycle of Financial Worry
For many, managing money feels like a never-ending challenge. Growing up in financial hardship or seeing others struggle can shape how we view money, often making us think that constant struggle is our destiny. And when things start to go well, it can be hard to shake the anxiety that it’s just a temporary shift.
Recently, I found myself in this situation. After receiving part of my Pell Grant refund, my savings balance began to grow, more than I was used to seeing. My Capital One high-yield savings account now had more than I’d ever had before.
With this growing number, I started feeling nervous. The amount was larger than I was accustomed to having, and the account wasn’t one I accessed regularly. Even though I knew it was there and could access it when needed, the anxiety was still there.
In this article, I want to share my experience of managing financial anxiety, especially when things start to go well. I’ll also dive into psychological concepts like normalization of deviance, learned helplessness, and past conditioning, and how they shape our financial mindsets.
If you’ve ever felt like this, like you’re just waiting for something to go wrong, you’re not alone. And the good news is, it doesn’t have to be this way.
How I Used to Handle Money: The Weight of Past Struggles
Growing up, financial stress was the constant. Whether it was watching others struggle to make ends meet, dealing with payday loans, or seeing bank accounts get shut down, it felt like hardship was an inevitable part of life.
Over time, I came to believe that financial difficulty was something I couldn’t avoid. It became my norm, and even as I worked hard to change things, that anxiety never really went away.
So when I found myself building a savings account with more than I was used to,over $5,000 in my Capital One account,I felt a sense of discomfort.
Having more than I had ever saved before made me feel anxious, not because I was afraid of spending it, but because the larger number in that account was foreign to me. I wasn’t accustomed to having a large sum saved in an account I couldn’t easily access.
The Anxiety of Having More: Normalization of Deviance
This anxiety wasn’t about the actual money I had, it was tied to something deeper, something that’s rooted in a concept called normalization of deviance.
When you grow up around struggle, it can feel like that’s all life has to offer. Struggles and setbacks become normalized, and any financial stability starts to feel strange or even uncomfortable.
The idea of having more money saved up, especially in a separate account, felt unfamiliar. Instead of seeing it as a sign of progress, I saw it as a ticking clock waiting for something to go wrong.
The normalization of deviance often makes us think that the financial instability we’ve witnessed or experienced will always be there, even if it’s not. It’s like seeing shark attacks on TV so often that you start to think it’s a regular risk.
For me, because I’d witnessed financial hardship, I felt like I was just one bad decision away from losing everything.
Why I Felt Helpless: The Role of Learned Helplessness
The anxiety I felt wasn’t just from a past experience, it was also linked to a psychological concept known as learned helplessness.
Learned helplessness happens when we’ve been exposed to continuous failure or hardship, and we start to feel powerless to change our situation. I grew up seeing struggle as a part of life, and for years, I internalized that I wasn’t in control. Even when I started building savings, I kept expecting the worst.
With over $5,000 in my high-yield savings account, I couldn’t shake the fear that something would happen to it, that I’d lose access or that it would disappear somehow.
This fear wasn’t based on my current reality but was driven by a past mindset that things just don’t last.
Reconditioning My Mindset: Breaking the Chains of the Past
Over time, I realized that my anxiety wasn’t just about the money itself. It was about how I manage larger sums of money, and how my past shaped that fear of management.
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is that I need to be intentional about how I approach my finances, and this includes having multiple accounts for different purposes.
For me, having a larger sum in my Capital One high-yield savings account, which I don’t access regularly, started to feel like an overwhelming but necessary responsibility. I realized I needed to have a clearer separation between my main checking and short-term saving account and my long term savings to keep myself grounded.
When I keep a modest amount in my main account, like a few hundred dollars, it helps me stay level-headed. It makes it easier for me to monitor my spending because I can’t rely on that account to cover unnecessary purchases.
I also keep the short-term separate savings lower than my long term saving account with Capital One to help prevent any temptation to overspend long term funds.
- Short term in this case is $1,000-$1,500 for unexpected costs within a 12 month period. Sometimes I’ll boost it to $2,000 but I found $1,000-$1,500 my sweet spot.
- Long term savings is the $5,000+ account for future needs.
I also don’t carry the debit card for the Capital One account with me, and I keep it stored safely where I don’t see it.
This separation helps me maintain focus on my long-term financial goals, without letting impulsive decisions get in the way.
I’ve learned that it’s essential for me to have that physical and mental distance from my long term savings, especially as the amount in it continues to grow.
The Influence of Our Environment on How We View Money: Socialization and Subconscious Beliefs
It’s often said that our relationship with money is shaped by the world around us, our families, friends, and the broader community. This influence starts early in life and impacts how we think and feel about finances well into adulthood.
The socialization theory suggests that the attitudes, values, and beliefs we hold about money aren’t just learned consciously; they’re absorbed from the people and society around us. We pick up on these attitudes through everyday conversations, family dynamics, and societal messages.
Think about it: how many times have you heard phrases like “Money doesn’t grow on trees” or “Money is the root of all evil”? These sayings are deeply ingrained in our collective consciousness, often without us even realizing where they came from.
For many of us, we learned about money from our parents, family members, and the people closest to us. If your family struggled with money, chances are you grew up hearing about how hard it is to make ends meet. Those early lessons about money, whether explicit or implied, form the foundation of how we approach it later in life.
For example, the saying “Money is the root of all evil” can subconsciously make us fear wealth. We’re taught that having too much money might lead to greed or selfishness, even though that’s not inherently true.
The truth is, there are many wealthy people who use their resources to create positive change, support their families, and contribute to causes they care about. But the cultural narrative often leads us to believe that wealth equals corruption.
This negative connotation can result in self-sabotage, where we may actively avoid wealth because we’re afraid of what it might make us become.
In the same way, the fear of being perceived as “too wealthy” or “too successful” can prevent us from achieving our financial goals. We worry about what others might think, or what our newfound wealth might mean for how we’re viewed by those around us.
But the reality is that wealth doesn’t have to come with a negative label. Many wealthy individuals are driven by the desire to care for their families, secure their future, and live a comfortable life, without causing harm to others.
This is where we need to challenge those subconscious beliefs we’ve absorbed over the years. It’s important to recognize that wealth doesn’t automatically equate to selfishness, greed, or corruption.
Money is simply a tool, one that can be used for both good and bad purposes. The key is in how we choose to use it. And it’s up to us to redefine what it means to be wealthy, not based on societal stereotypes but on our own values and goals.
Taking Control: How to Break Free from the Cycle of Anxiety
If you’re dealing with similar fears about your finances, know that you can break free from them. Here’s how I started to take control:
- Acknowledge the fear: The fear isn’t about the money itself, it’s about how your past influences your present. Acknowledge that the fear may not be grounded in reality.
- Reframe your thoughts: Instead of focusing on the possibility that something might go wrong, remind yourself that you’ve made real progress. You’re building a safety net.
- Create a plan and stick to it: I’ve learned that separating my accounts helps me stay level-headed. Having that separation allows me to be in control and prevent any impulsive spending.
- Seek support: If the fear gets overwhelming, talk to someone who understands. It’s helpful to voice your concerns and realize you’re not alone.
- Be kind to yourself: Recognize that unlearning past behaviors takes time. You’re not going to change everything overnight, and that’s okay.
Conclusion: It’s Time to Break the Cycle
Overcoming financial anxiety is a journey, but it’s one that can be done. Whether you’re dealing with normalization of deviance, learned helplessness, or the weight of past conditioning, it’s possible to break free.
If you’ve ever felt like financial stability isn’t meant for you, or like you’re just waiting for the bottom to fall out, remember this: you have the power to change your narrative. It may take time, but you can take control of your finances, and create a future that’s free from the anxiety of the past.
The Broke College Student 
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